Whether you’ve arrived at the finish line fresh and invigorated for another trip around the sun, or are so exhausted you may wheeze out your actual soul, 2017 is almost OVER.
Luckily, there are all kinds of cool and important things to look forward to in 2018 to mitigate all of the things you’ll inevitably come to loathe and dread as the year progresses.
So next time someone says, “Do we really have to go on living for another whole YEAR?” comfort them by mentioning these existence-friendly events, innovations and observances.
The Winter Olympics
Once every four years, the global powers of the world band together in an ongoing diplomatic effort to decide what, exactly, curling is and how it ever became a thing people did. 2018’s festivities will take over the city of PyeongChang, South Korea, for two weeks in February. One extremely chill story to look out for: The women’s Nigerian (!) bobsled (!!) team will compete, marking the first-ever time (!!!) the African nation is represented at the Winter Games. GET THEM A MOVIE NOW.
A royal wedding
Prince Harry and literal American dream Meghan Markle will get hitched in May. Reports are, it will be an intimate, casual ceremony at a rustic little chapel in Windsor Castle. Just your typical pastoral burlap-and-mason jar fête, you know. For Americans, it’s a fantastic excuse to wear a funny hat and drink alcohol before noon. As is tradition, the Brits will pretend not to care, but the sudden boom in royal wedding-themed collectible plates and caganers will prove otherwise.
Really, really good movies
If you want to make the most of 2018, you should probably just glue yourself to a movie theater seat. “Black Panther” comes for your soul in February, and anything it leaves behind will surely be snatched up by “Avengers: Infinity War” in May. Elsewhere, “A Wrinkle in Time” drops in March, “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom” comes out in June and — this is the one you’ve all been waiting for — the awkward conclusion of the deeply unsexy “Fifty Shades” oeuvre will grace theaters in February, just months before it’s scheduled to show up in one of our 3 a.m. self-loathing Netflix binges.
The World Cup
Just because we’re not GOING doesn’t mean we can’t have a GOOD TIME, okay? This is like the royal wedding of soccer. We are not invited, it has nothing to do with us, but we’ll still wear silly hats and cheer like the loud, spectacle-loving people we are. Mark your calendars and choose your teams, America. June and July belong to the World (minus us) Cup.
Going to the moon
In 2018, Silicon Valley startup Moon Express (slogan: “The Moon is Me”) says it’ll “definitely” land a craft on the moon, paving the way for a generation of rich space casuals to populate it like it’s the latest trendy New York City borough. If Moon Mission is successful, it would be the first private company to land a craft on the moon. The company’s final goal? To get folks on the moon and mine it for natural resources.
If this sounds like literal reach-for-the-moon talk, take this quote from Moon Express’ Chairman, Naveen Jain, as a chaser:
“We are really looking good and we are still hoping to launch the lander next year,” Jain told CNBC in November. “And when we launch and land on the moon, not only (do) we become the first company to do so, we actually symbolically become the fourth superpower.”
Maybe a new Game of Thrones book?
We predicted “Winds of Winter,” the next book in the “A Song of Ice and Fire” saga, would be released in 2017. It wasn’t. And with no new “Game of Thrones” set to bless our HBO logins in 2018, it’s going to be a long, content-free winter if George R.R. Martin doesn’t get on it and PUBLISH THE DARNED BOOK. George, you cruel master!
If that doesn’t happen, we can at least soothe our wounded hearts by re-reading Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein,” which turns 200 next year.
Flights to Antarctica
Prior to 2018, in order to fly to Antarctica you either had to be a paying customer on a chartered flight or an extremely misdirected bird. Starting next year, the first EVER commercial flights will head out from the southernmost part of Argentina, and drop you at an Argentinian base on Seymour Island near the Antarctic peninsula. It’s good news for penguins — with the expected tourist boom, their property values are gonna go way up.
A Titanic diving trip
Most people find the Titanic disaster at least marginally interesting, but if you’re one of the special few who’re really, REALLY into its history and lore (and you’re super rich), this news is for you. Starting in May 2018, super fans will get an opportunity to take diving trips to the wreck site. Sure, the underwater postmortem will set you back more than $100,000, but travel company Blue Marble Private says the price tag is actually equivalent, after inflation, to what first-class Titanic passengers paid for their tickets way back in 1912. Cool! A little morbid, but cool!
Lastly, let us mark our tenuous, yet immortal hope for the future by looking back at the past. 2018 will mark the 100th anniversary of the end of World War I. It will also mark the 50th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act of 1968.
So that’s your goal for next year — do something in 2018 that our ancestors will observe fondly every decade or century for ages to come.